February 12, 2016
My alarm wakes me up at 6:11 a.m. and I get up from the couch still very tired. I was sleeping on the couch because I didnâ€™t want to wake up my fiancÃ© M. or my daughter H., and I was having trouble sleeping. Itâ€™s my fathers funeral today and I am not feeling prepared.
At 7:30 I am now done in the shower and Iâ€™ve eaten breakfast. Usually I eat a very simple breakfast, today I put some ham and Swiss cheese on a bagel and microwaved it. Next I have to wake up M. and H.
After they are awake I change H.â€™s diaper, sheâ€™s six months old, and carry her around while M. takes a minute to get ready.
At about eight she takes H. and feeds her. By eight thirty Iâ€™m wondering how big of a deal it will be when I walk into the family viewing late because Iâ€™m sure we wonâ€™t be there by nine.
The family viewing is from nine to ten followed by a public viewing and a Catholic mass. After that we will go to the cemetery. We walk in at nine twenty and Iâ€™m wondering if Iâ€™ll remember the names of all my relatives on my dadâ€™s side of the family. I havenâ€™t seen most of them in a decade and I have to introduce them to M. today.
At eleven thirty I told M. she could go home, H. was getting restless. Sheâ€™s been so patient today Iâ€™m very proud of her. Iâ€™m certain itâ€™s not a good idea to drag her through a mass and a burial though.
The cemetery was covered in snow. It was pretty but cold and very sad. My dad was a veteran so it was a military funeral. I think he would have liked it.
Its six p.m. and Iâ€™m home now. This has been a sad and awkward day. I saw a lot of people I hadnâ€™t seen in a long time. It was a mixed blessing. Iâ€™m regretting my lack of pictures of my dad with H. Iâ€™m just glad he met her.