February 12, 2016

My alarm wakes me up at 6:11 a.m. and I get up from the couch still very tired. I was sleeping on the couch because I didn’t want to wake up my fiancé M. or my daughter H., and I was having trouble sleeping. It’s my fathers funeral today and I am not feeling prepared.

At 7:30 I am now done in the shower and I’ve eaten breakfast. Usually I eat a very simple breakfast, today I put some ham and Swiss cheese on a bagel and microwaved it. Next I have to wake up M. and H.

After they are awake I change H.’s diaper, she’s six months old, and carry her around while M. takes a minute to get ready.

At about eight she takes H. and feeds her. By eight thirty I’m wondering how big of a deal it will be when I walk into the family viewing late because I’m sure we won’t be there by nine.

The family viewing is from nine to ten followed by a public viewing and a Catholic mass. After that we will go to the cemetery. We walk in at nine twenty and I’m wondering if I’ll remember the names of all my relatives on my dad’s side of the family. I haven’t seen most of them in a decade and I have to introduce them to M. today.

At eleven thirty I told M. she could go home, H. was getting restless. She’s been so patient today I’m very proud of her. I’m certain it’s not a good idea to drag her through a mass and a burial though.

The cemetery was covered in snow. It was pretty but cold and very sad. My dad was a veteran so it was a military funeral. I think he would have liked it.

Its six p.m. and I’m home now. This has been a sad and awkward day. I saw a lot of people I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was a mixed blessing. I’m regretting my lack of pictures of my dad with H. I’m just glad he met her.

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