February 23, 2016

Hello Diary,

7:50 am. I slept in today. I’m tired this morning and, I am a little snuffy. I really don’t get sick often and, it always comes at a time when I really need to slow down anyway. I think it’s a direct response to my emotional state. I signed a lease to rent my house with a family of three working adults and three children with another on the way. I am trying to sell another property with three rentals while trying to keep it rented. I have negotiated with a friend to combine our therapy business and move downtown Muncie. My new boyfriend wants me to live with him so that we can do Art and travel. He says I LOVE YOU! I had been planning to move to Denver to help raise my new granddaughter or to a local spiritual community. I’m afraid that feelings are arising between myself and the guitar player who practices with me on Tuesday’s and Sunday’s. The woman who plays fiddle with us offered to buy my rental property and go into business with me. She’s worried that I am going to have an affair with our guitar player and, she doesn’t really like men in that way. I found a room in Denver to rent for two months. I only drank one beer last night at “THE PEACH” but, I could not keep my mind on the music. I should have visited Grampa G. once more. I even said that I would.

8:00 am. I was planning to go visit my children’s Grampa in Anderson this morning. The first message that I picked up was from J said that his Dad died about an hour ago. He was 96 yrs. He was funny and sweet. He was an artist and a magician and an ex Navy man. He has taken a walk every day for the forty years that I have known him. He buried two sons and two wives. I cared for him in my home for a couple of months before arranging for him to go to the Nursing home a few years ago. J. and I never married. We were always friends and we always will be. He is eleven years my senior and the kindest most generous person that I have ever known. He introduced me to yoga and to Herman Hess and Carlos Castenada. He gave me books on Eastern Religion and the Asian Healing Arts when I was sixteen years old.. We became close when he drove me from Anderson to Muncie during my freshman year. He was a graduate student in the English dept. We got pregnant on a drive to an Ashram in Pennsylvania. He didn’t believe in marriage and, I didn’t believe in abortion at the time. We didn’t really discuss it. We just started living together. We separated and, I had another child with someone I don’t know. He raised my son so that I could work as a Natural Health Care Provider. That child currently lives with J. or J. with him. I have always been some financial support. He is thirty and has fathered two boys who I adore.

Now I’m crying.

9:00 am. I’m going to put together some photos now. I have more photos from that period of our life than anyone in Grampa G’s family. I’ll cook some food and practice “Will the Circle Be Unbroken” and make few phone calls. G’s girlfriend who is 80yrs. said we are not having a Memorial because we did not visit him enough. I say that we are.

I’m sorry I may not get back to writing today.

Have a nice day.

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