February 23, 2016
7:50 am. I slept in today. Iâ€™m tired this morning and, I am a little snuffy. I really donâ€™t get sick often and, it always comes at a time when I really need to slow down anyway. I think itâ€™s a direct response to my emotional state. I signed a lease to rent my house with a family of three working adults and three children with another on the way. I am trying to sell another property with three rentals while trying to keep it rented. I have negotiated with a friend to combine our therapy business and move downtown Muncie. My new boyfriend wants me to live with him so that we can do Art and travel. He says I LOVE YOU! I had been planning to move to Denver to help raise my new granddaughter or to a local spiritual community. Iâ€™m afraid that feelings are arising between myself and the guitar player who practices with me on Tuesdayâ€™s and Sundayâ€™s. The woman who plays fiddle with us offered to buy my rental property and go into business with me. Sheâ€™s worried that I am going to have an affair with our guitar player and, she doesnâ€™t really like men in that way. I found a room in Denver to rent for two months. I only drank one beer last night at â€œTHE PEACHâ€ but, I could not keep my mind on the music. I should have visited Grampa G. once more. I even said that I would.
8:00 am. I was planning to go visit my childrenâ€™s Grampa in Anderson this morning. The first message that I picked up was from J said that his Dad died about an hour ago. He was 96 yrs. He was funny and sweet. He was an artist and a magician and an ex Navy man. He has taken a walk every day for the forty years that I have known him. He buried two sons and two wives. I cared for him in my home for a couple of months before arranging for him to go to the Nursing home a few years ago. J. and I never married. We were always friends and we always will be. He is eleven years my senior and the kindest most generous person that I have ever known. He introduced me to yoga and to Herman Hess and Carlos Castenada. He gave me books on Eastern Religion and the Asian Healing Arts when I was sixteen years old.. We became close when he drove me from Anderson to Muncie during my freshman year. He was a graduate student in the English dept. We got pregnant on a drive to an Ashram in Pennsylvania. He didnâ€™t believe in marriage and, I didnâ€™t believe in abortion at the time. We didnâ€™t really discuss it. We just started living together. We separated and, I had another child with someone I donâ€™t know. He raised my son so that I could work as a Natural Health Care Provider. That child currently lives with J. or J. with him. I have always been some financial support. He is thirty and has fathered two boys who I adore.
Now Iâ€™m crying.
9:00 am. Iâ€™m going to put together some photos now. I have more photos from that period of our life than anyone in Grampa Gâ€™s family. Iâ€™ll cook some food and practice â€œWill the Circle Be Unbrokenâ€ and make few phone calls. Gâ€™s girlfriend who is 80yrs. said we are not having a Memorial because we did not visit him enough. I say that we are.
Iâ€™m sorry I may not get back to writing today.
Have a nice day.